November 12th, 2007

Mama, why don't I have a face?

In Rittenhouse Square yesterday, around 4:30 P.M., near the statue of the goat, I saw a brown paper sack turned upside-down. It was emitting a low-tech computerized song. On the outside of the sack were written the words, "ADOPT ME."

I was curious, I'll admit. This is an area where a lot of families bring their small children to play. But I decided to pass it by. Maybe it was a child's toy, after all, that someone was trying to give away.

A well-dressed lady walking the other direction stopped abruptly. There was no hesitation, no curious glance: she stooped and picked up the sack. Underneath, there was a naked baby doll with a rubbery brain in place of a head, a little something like this:

Quebec, this is what your babies will look like once ONAN starts catapulting its waste over the border!

To my surprise, the lady picked it up! I had an inclination to follow her, but I was chilly and continued on home. I imagine the hideous prank was destined for the trash, but what if this lady adopted the creepy, crawling, cranially-deficient baby doll? Perhaps she later sat on her sofa, rocking and shushing the little cretin's 8-bit cries.