June 24th, 2006

The hawk-mo and my fiendish-yet-charitable plan

I've seen a ton of guys walking around with mohawks lately. And it reminded me of the haircut I've been idly threatening to get for months now: the hawk-mo, what my brother Nate and I called the idea of the reverse mohawk: hair shaved straight down the center and then two stripes down the side.

Yes, it is a completely ridiculous and clownish sort of look, which is exactly why I think people should wear it. But how can I convince people to do such a ridiculous thing?

I think I've got it: mohawksforcancer.org. We'll build a web site where you can pledge money, proceeds to go to the American Cancer Society or some other charitable cancer research organization, to have someone you know get a mohawk. Say your goofy friends or co-workers pledge $100 to cancer research, but only if you get a mohawk. I suppose people could volunteer themselves for pledging, but I think it would be funnier if an less-willing participant was told that, basically, cancer research would lose $100 if they didn't get a mohawk. It would be kind of like a charity lockup, but with a bad haircut. Some people would still wimp out, but I bet some of them would do it. Maybe this project should have some vans, and untrained clipper-wielding punk wannabes offering up on-site service after the nominee is notified—really take 'em by surprise.

Then, you up the ante by doubling the pledge amount if the nominee opts for a hawk-mo instead of a mohawk.

Suddenly, the hawk-mo becomes a badge of honor. Of course, I don't expect that the project would catch on like wildfire, but a person sporting a hawk-mo would probably get some questions or at least a quizzical glance now and then. And that person could puff up with pride and explain that the haircut was for charity, check it out at mohawksforcancer.org, and I got the hawk-mo to double the pledges. People will be sporting hawk-mos in no time. Take that, dollar Lance Armstrong bracelets!

Tons of before-and-after photos, because who doesn't want to see that? I also had the idea that have hawk-mo recipients pose with bald kids in chemotherapy sporting mohawk wigs for photoshoots, as if they donated a stripe of hair to the kids, a la Locks of Love, but that might be too over-the-top and, frankly, might scare the bejesus out of the poor kids.

I get to see people sporting hilarious bad hair while helping raise money for cancer research. It's basically the most genius idea I've had all evening! Friends, you input, please: is this idea just crazy enough to work?
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