December 5th, 2005

Ghost Baby Trades Brie for Crack: A Dream

I dreamt that my apartment was haunted by a ghost baby. Two cardboard toilet paper tubes would come to life and crawl along the floor like a baby's arms. It would crawl its way to the bathroom and drown itself in the toilet, taking any money sitting out in the apartment with it. You could pick it up and move it, but as soon as you put it down it would begin again its journey to the bathroom. Somehow the toilet would flush, and the money would disappear, but the now-soggy-and-lifeless baby arms would still be there.

The ghost baby didn't exist in my apartment alone. There were reports of the ghost baby in other apartments around town. In some apartments, money would appear after the ghost baby drowned itself. In one case, the ghost baby took a wedge of gorgonzola, still wrapped in plastic, instead of money. In another case, a cheese platter—cubes of cheddar and monterrey jack with little toothpicks in them—would appear after the swirly death.

No one knew quite why this was happening, but they were sure that the disappearing/appearing money/cheese represented some kind of transaction, presumably taking place in the depths of the sewers. One person theorized, "It's probably for drugs."